Alternately, watch the video on YouTube here.
Lyrics by Mischelle Sandowich:
This is the story of the Bedford Level Wager
A bet recorded falsely in hist’ry, a rager
John Hampden was a man who experimentally
Had discovered earth was flat with no convexity
In Scientific Opinion, Hampden placed a note
Searched for a science man to prove the earth is a globe
Wallace said “Choose Me” and placed 500 pounds in trust
In care of John Henry Walsh just as they had discussed
Wallace sketched some drawings of what he set out to prove
Bedford level seemed a place all parties would approve
He set up his test gear on an old unstable barge
A scope sans cross hairs or level, though it was quite large
Mr. Hampden’s referee, Will Carpenter by name
Insisted things be level for a truly fair game
Wallace laughed and scoffed but could do nothing but agree
To do the research over with proper gadgetry
A surveyor’s scope with Trowten Level, cross hairs too
Was brought along to please Carpenter’s requested view
They met on Welney Bridge with middle marker as guide
Old Bedford bridge stood six miles on the other side
Instead of choosing the telescope of better class
Wallace pulled a fast one and took out the larger glass
He quickly asked his helper to scribble a note down
No doubt we’ve proved once and for all that the earth is round
The marker in the middle, is clearly raised you see
Carpenter, won’t you sign? It’s as clear as it can be
Certainly, I will, Under protest you have cheated
Without a crosshairs your results should be deleted
Carpenter insisted that he had no time for joke
Spirit level and cross hairs were needed in the scope
Dismissive, Hampden said, “Have it your way if you please.”
But they’re not needed to prove what eye already sees.
Carpenter was indignant. He did not want his way.
He only wanted truth and justice to win that day.
Without the crosshairs or level, they would never know
Who had proved if water had a curved or level flow
The new pure sketches were drawn and signed by both parties
There is no doubt each side felt like they were the smarties.
In the carriage, Mr. Hampden asked if all was right
No doubt we’ll win our case. It was a beautiful sight.
Three points splendidly inline, equidistant in view.
How absurd to suppose that large telescope would do.
Without cross hairs or level and only two points seen.
No worries tomorrow this will all feel like a dream.
The dream turned into a nightmare the very next day
Wallace’s referee refused to talk any way
He called the police to have him removed from the hall
They were forced to appoint Walsh to make the final call
Mr Wallace seemed to orchestrate behind the scenes
Carpenter silenced from explaining his side of things
Walsh too refused to listen, saying Wallace was right
Why? Because Wallace had persuaded him in a plight.
Carpenter ne’er had a chance to discuss a detail
Even the Field wouldn’t publish his side of the tale
It seemed like the whole world was fighting against the truth
The same story as those in the right trying to sleuth
Both sketches were presented in the Field magazine
Walsh called Wallace the winner without saying a thing.
A reader accused Carpenter’s images as fraud
For if they were real he should have received all the laud.
Walsh published glaring mistakes that makes one question why.
Couldn’t even get the name of the bridges all right.
The whole thing smelled like a snake many facts in distort
Seeking justice, the wager was overturned in court.
Mr Hampden displeased with the entire ordeal,
held a final ace in his hand as we shall reveal
Although history reckons it one thing remains still
The same water remains this day untainted and real
It’s waiting for you to do the testing for yourself
To open your eyes and see that water’s not convex,
Water is designed by God to always find its rest
Seas are level and water doesn’t naturally flex
Music and Performance by Suno
Video Produced by FlatOutHope
Bedford Level Wager in a 5 Minute Rap Music Video